Last week I was privileged to be a guest speaker at an anonymous 12 step group in Indiana. The meeting was celebrating their 10th birthday. Ten years of meeting every Thursday evening at 7pm. 10 years of storytelling, experience sharing, strength growing, and hope inspiring. What an amazing opportunity to be a part of such a joyous celebration.
Upon my arrival in town, I was greeted by two of the regular members of this group. The three of us were giddy as schoolgirls to spend some quality time together. We spent a couple of hours goofing around and picking up celebration supplies for the evening as well as organizing a group dinner to precede the regularly scheduled 7pm meeting. As we shopped the Dollar Tree and quietly (or maybe not so quietly) reminded one another that “Everything in here is a dollar!” With peals of laughter and perhaps even a “snort” here and there, we spent valuable time remembering that we are all of the same cloth, just a different cut.
After our shopping expedition, we proceeded to a personal favorite of central Indiana, Pizza King. I indulged in both a meat feast with barbeque sauce and three-quarter baked bread sticks. It was here that another five members joined us for fellowship before the meeting. We laughed and joked, remembered shared moments and appreciated each other for our individuality. One woman shared her recent trip to Spain with her sister and the amazing “God wink” they shared while there. It was a moment of inspiration. As they ended their 100 mile walk through Spain in honor of their deceased sister, they heard public musicians playing their sisters favorite song in the public square…..one that had been played at her celebration of life. They wept, and as she told the story, I experienced a chill and tears in my own eyes. What a beautiful moment to share with us. People she only knew as a result of a shared trauma; people who understood her in a way others could not. I was so grateful to be in her presence that evening.
Later at the meeting, there was the mother who lost her son to addiction, the dad who is caring for his grandchildren as a result of his sons’ addiction and subsequent incarceration, the wife who is working through her husband’s recent relapse after almost 13 years of sobriety. There was the mother whose daughter currently has 4 years in sobriety, and many others whose stories I do not know. But whom I hope heard something helpful from mine. We opened the meeting and a strong sense of peace enveloped me and I was able to tell my story to these good people knowing that no matter what I shared, they would not judge me. They would not look at me differently as a result of knowing where I have been and what I have done. They would not take my story to the masses and broadcast it where it could not be heard or appreciated. They would merely listen and know me just a little bit better than they did before; perhaps even seeing themselves in my story. We are more than the experiences we’ve had. We are more than our stories. We are no more and no less than anyone else. It is our stories that remind us we are all just doing our best to survive in this world of chaos and misunderstandings. It is here that we learn to live within an unjust world without concerning ourselves over how others are managing. Instead, focusing on what we can do to be the best version of ourselves regardless what others may think or do.
It is here where we can grow up. Where we grow up and become healthy, well-adjusted adults living our best lives. I have learned that when I live this way, I am able to forgive others their faults with the understanding that they too are doing their best, regardless of what their best may be. I understand this in a way that I have ever been capable of understanding in the past. This is what allows me to not hate others, to not judge others, to not make assumptions that may or may not be true. The fact is that we do not know everyone’s story. There is no webcam to view where we are and what we are doing in each given moment. There is no way for me to see inside of you and determine if you could have “done better”. There is no way for me to know what your experiences have been or what stories have been told to bring you where you are today. As a result, my behavior may be significantly different than yours because my experiences and stories are different than yours. When we come together and learn to respect each other as distinct individuals with differing experiences and stories and start to identify with the basic human experiences of fear, shame, doubt, and pride, we learn a better way to live.
Countless people have come into and out of this meeting over the last decade and who knows how many lives have been changed as a result of the evenings of shared stories. As an anonymous meeting, there is no way of knowing the exact number of attendees, or the number of lives impacted by the sharing of experience, strength, and hope. In spite of the inability to determine the statistical impact of this one meeting, there is something to be said for the members who continue to show up and share their stories, both good and bad.
It is a constant effort; it takes regular reminding, and focused actions in order to maintain focus on myself. Without these very special people in my life, the ones who are willing to be vulnerable and share their experience, strength and hope, I would still be a hopeless case. My commitment to staying spiritually healthy means that I have to always be willing to be vulnerable, and share my story with others so that they too can learn to live this life in peace and find true happiness within themselves. For happiness if found within ourselves and not in the external happenings of our lives.
Last week was the celebration of changing lives over the course of a decade. This is a group of people who meet regularly to remind each other that no matter how different our lives might appear, there are ALWAYS basic commonalities that bond us together in this world. This is a group of people who are always available to each other to remind us that we are not nearly as different as we believe we are and that by focusing on our sameness instead of our differences, we can become better people in a better world.
Are you ready to GROW UP? Are you ready to create peace and happiness in your daily life? Email me, let’s reason it out.
Until next time, take care of yourself and find the next right thing to do.
All will be well,
Niki