Hi again and welcome back to UnchainedRecovery.com. Our subscribers are growing and I am super excited to see that these posts are helpful for you! I just wanted to take a few minutes this cold winter morning to follow up on my previous post about Crazytown. As I shared with you there, I seem to have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. When my son shared with me that he didn’t have enough funds saved to cover his tuition for this semester my sense of responsibility kicked into overdrive. My internal voice was telling me that it was my responsibility to find a solution to his problem. In my mind, I wanted to just pay his tuition for the semester so that he wouldn’t have to worry about how he was going to pay for school. The good news is that even in my heightened state of anxiety and concern, I recognized that solving this problem was not my responsibility. It was his and his alone. The bad news is that while I made it clear that I would not “save the day” with a payment to the university, my mind was still obsessing and fixated on solving the problem. Following his announcement, I spent several hours a day contemplating what he could do and how he could pay his tuition to continue his education.
During this time, I went to meetings and spoke with several of my recovery friends. I did this because I have learned that when I am experiencing times of intense obsession and fixation on problems that are not mine, I NEED SUPPORT. I need to speak my thoughts out loud to someone else. I have found that many times I have wonderful ideas and plans in my head. And then something happens between my brain and my mouth. I have not yet figured out this phenomenon. It really is the strangest thing. You see, as soon as I speak these wonderful ideas and plans out loud, they sound RIDICULOUS! In this situation, I thought that perhaps instead of just making the tuition payment for him, perhaps I could “loan” him the money. Which is so much different than making the payment for him, right? That’s what I thought anyway. Right up until I told one of my friends what I was thinking. Her response was, “if he doesn’t have the money and he doesn’t qualify for a student loan. What makes you think he will be able to pay you back? And if he’s not going to pay you back, what is the difference between this so-called loan and just making the payment for him?” GREAT QUESTION! Ah, and so I was back at the drawing board. Trying to figure out a solution to his problem. Right up until I GAVE UP!
Ohhhhhhhh………GIVING UP. Giving up always seems to lead to my happiness. If you haven’t read my Keys to Happiness Series, check out the first key to happiness HERE. Yet again, I had to face reality and accept the fact that it is not enough to know the problem is not mine to fix. That is the first step, the next hurdle for me is ensuring that I do not act on wanting to fix something that is not mine to fix. If I continue to fixate and obsess about problems of someone else and do not TALK about it with someone I trust, my brain will convince me to act on the wonderful ideas in my head. This leads me to doing things that I know I really should not do. In this case, it would have led me to paying my son’s tuition for him. Something I had already determined was not in anyone’s best interest.
I GAVE UP on trying to fix his problem for him. Each time my brain would start to wonder how I could fix it, I decided to say a quiet prayer to the universe reminding myself that all is exactly as it should be in this moment and that everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to work out. I do not have to do anything to try to force a solution. This gave me moments of reprieve that eventually led me to a peace in a my soul regarding my son’s situation. It alleviated the majority of the worry and anxiety I was having for him.
Just when I thought I had completely released his situation and it was no longer consuming my thoughts on a regular basis, I got confirmation that GIVING UP works! I received a call from my son indicating that he was wrong. He misunderstood the financial aid office and he actually did receive a financial aid disbursement for the spring semester! He is actually expecting a REFUND! He had a made an installment payment on his tuition that he will be getting back due to the financial aid disbursement. Problem solved…….and I didn’t have to do ANYTHING. WOW!!!!
Folks, I’m telling you, giving up works. I have to work hard on a regular basis to give these things up on all kinds of situations. But when I do, and I get out of the way, amazing things happen. Not only are they able to manage and fix their own problems, but I get to be proud of them taking responsibility for themselves. What a great and mighty blessing giving up is in my life. It allows me to be happy no matter what!
What do you need to GIVE UP in order to be happy? Are you ready to talk about it? Are you ready to choose happiness? Email me, let’s reason it out.
Until next time, take care of yourself and find the next right thing to do.
All will be well,
Niki